MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS: MOST PRECIOUS & COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIPS
By Shelley Whizin
ON BIG BLEND RADIO: On this episode of Big Blend Radio’s “Soul Diving Sunday with Shelley” show, Shelley Whizin, along with Lisa Dimond and hosts Nancy & Lisa discuss the complex yet beautiful world of mother-daughter relationships. Watch here in the YouTube player or download the podcast on Acast.com.
In honor of Mother’s Day this month, I want to talk about Mother/Daughter relationships.
There is nothing like a mother-and-daughter relationship. It’s so special, and yes, that relationship can also be quite complicated. In this short article, we’re going to explore different kinds of mother/daughter relationships.
Daughters growing up with a lot of limiting beliefs, the struggle of self-doubt creeps in and continues to get in the way of their confidence, so it is up to us, as mothers, to remind our daughters they are capable of anything they put their minds to, that they have qualities that will serve them in their lives and that we believe in them, raising them with high self-esteem.
As a mother myself, I feel so blessed to have a daughter. She has grown up to be a strong, independent, organized, self-sufficient, loving, caring, and quite remarkable woman, along with being a terrific mom herself of 3 beautiful children. (All teenagers now, I might add!) Our relationship has sometimes been complicated, but one thing is for sure, she knows I love her, and I know she loves me. This may sound simplistic, but it’s true, no matter what. Unconditional love. There’s nothing like it!
Due to the relationship, I had with my mother growing up, my entire approach to creating a healthy relationship influenced the way in which I brought up my daughter. I made definite conscious choices when I became a mother.
First, I vowed I would never have my daughter afraid of me. She could say, “I hate you,” if she needed to. I always encouraged her to share whatever she was feeling, so she could feel free to say whatever she was experiencing.
This came directly from being afraid of my mother growing up. Being afraid of my mom was the WORST feeling in the whole wide world. I didn’t have a place of comfort, where I felt safe to share what I was experiencing. I didn’t even tell her I got my period because I was afraid, I would get in trouble.
I also vowed I would never hit my daughter, as my mother hit us. The two HUGE decisions altered the way in which I raised my daughter.
Of course, in looking back at my childhood now, I realize that my mom was not in a healthy mental state, and didn’t have the skills to know any better, so how could she raise us in a healthy way? That didn’t excuse her behavior, but it allowed me to forgive her, which also helped my healing. I told my daughter that I hoped she would forgive me for all the mistakes I made as a mother because, in the end, it would be healing for her.
As a mom, I said the “buck stops here,” and was determined to break the generational chain of abuse, which I did, and am forever thankful for. I didn’t hit my daughter, and she never hit her children, so the chain of abuse is BROKEN. That is a success! I’m so proud of my beautiful daughter, for doing the mother/daughter dance with me and for being conscious of growing into a beautiful mother herself.
I love watching other mother/daughter relationships and seeing some great role models. Take Nancy Reid and Lisa Smith, who work together in their Big Blend empire, traveling, interviewing, creating, and growing their amazing business, literally doing everything together! This mother/daughter duo is a great role model for having a healthy mother/daughter relationship.
They would have to have a healthy relationship in order to work together! They said it can be challenging sometimes, but they have learned how to do the mother/daughter dance together, and they do it very well. Thanks, Nancy and Lisa, for modeling what it’s like to have a healthy mother/daughter relationship. Happy Mother’s Day coming up!
My producer and brand manager, Lisa Dimond, has two beautiful daughters, whom she loves dearly, and are going into business together. Lisa’s philosophy is to give them tools and let them direct the company in their way, so they learn how to stand on their own two feet. I asked Lisa what her philosophy was in raising her two daughters, and she said, “I wanted to raise them with a positive perspective, to have open communication, and to bring them up to be strong and self-sufficient women.” She has done exactly that.
Lisa D shared with me that she too would have to hide from her mom as a child, and she never wanted her daughters to feel that way.
It’s true that Mother/Daughter relationships can be challenging. Some mothers want their daughters to be just like them, and “impose” what they think onto their daughters, and their daughters grow thinking they are not enough, that they can’t measure up to their mother’s expectations.
It’s up to us, as mothers, to remind our daughters of the good qualities they have, so they don’t focus on the qualities they don’t have and end up regretting who they are. It’s up to us in helping our daughters find their strengths and to believe in themselves, letting them know how beautiful they are from the inside out.
We are here to support them, to teach them about their bodies, their life cycles, their emotional ups and downs, and how to face life-challenging experiences with as much ease and grace as possible. We can offer support, patience, and understanding, instead of criticizing them for “wrong” decisions, letting them know they are capable, and that we are here for them at any time, to talk about any subject.
We moms, get to be genuinely interested in their lives and vice versa. It’s a two-way street. Take the time to BE with each other. Go for walks, have a cup of coffee, connect, and keep the engagement going. Don’t take each other for granted, because one day, the mama will not be there anymore.
Shelley Whizin is a transformational life coach and the founder and CEO of the Soul Diving Institute™ (SDI), established to study and teach the art and science of Being Human. She’s also the author of “The Healing Journal”, “The Story of the Magical Baby Grand Piano”, and “What Do You Bring to the Table? A Savory, Sensory and Inspirational Guide to Living a Yummy Delicious Life”. More at www.ShelleyWhizin.com
