SELF TRUST: THE SUPERPOWER YOU CAN’T FAKE
By Lea Brovedani “The Trust Architect”
Early in my speaking career, I was invited to present to a military audience. I had a neat deck of slides prepared, full of frameworks and theory. But just before walking on stage, my gut whispered: “Forget the slides. Show them trust.”
I asked for four volunteers and placed four chairs in a square. Each person sat sideways, feet flat on the floor, knees at right angles. Then I had them lean back so their upper back and their heads rested on the knees of the person behind them.
One by one, I removed the chairs. To everyone’s amazement, the structure held. They stayed supported and stable—because each person trusted themselves enough to lean back fully. Only then could they trust the others to hold them.
I told them: “This is what self-trust looks like. Before you can trust anyone else, you must first believe in your own ability to lean in, to hold steady, and to play your part. Without self-trust, the whole structure falls apart.”
The energy in the room shifted instantly. That exercise said more than any slide deck ever could. And it reminded me: when you trust yourself enough to follow your instincts, you often create the deepest connection.
“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”
Maya Angelou
Do you trust yourself?
Are you trusted by others?
I’ve had the privilege of speaking to many top leaders in business, government, finance and education. I have asked many of them this question:
“If you had to make an important decision and the information told you one thing, but your intuition and gut strongly told you another, what would you do?”
After thoughtful consideration, all of them—seriously ALL of them—said they would trust themselves.
What I learned from them is that the best leaders listen wholeheartedly and take into account what they hear, but they trust themselves first. That ability to trust themselves has helped put them where they are.
What about you? Do you have that deep trust in yourself?
What Is Self-Trust, Really?
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives synonyms like aplomb, assurance, self-assurance, self-confidence, self-esteem. To me, they don’t completely describe or explain what self-trust is… and seriously, what the heck is aplomb? (I’m thinking it’s not something purple and sweet to eat.)
Self-trust goes deeper. It’s not just about projecting confidence; it’s about knowing, accepting, and honoring yourself enough to rely on your own judgment.
So, on a scale of 1–10, where would you rate your self-trust right now? And—more importantly—would you like to improve that score?
FOUR WAYS TO STRENGTHEN SELF-TRUST
1. Develop Unconditional Positive Self-Regard
Carl Rogers, founder of the Humanistic approach to psychology, talked about the need for unconditional positive self-regard. It doesn’t mean you stop growing—it means you build growth on a foundation of self-acceptance.
You can start by monitoring what you say to yourself. The way you speak to yourself will shape the trust you place in your instincts.
2. Only Promise Out Loud What You Can Deliver
It’s great to set ambitious goals. I don’t want you to stop making BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals). But here’s the thing: when we set unrealistic promises and repeatedly fall short, our self-trust takes a hit.
Break big goals into bite-sized victories. With each success, you prove to yourself that you can be trusted.
3. Recognize Your Strengths
If my self-trust depended on my ability to write a symphony, I’d forever doubt myself.
Learn what your strengths are. Instead of trying to patch every weakness, build on your natural gifts and use them to create impact. If you don’t know your strengths, ask those who know you best—and accept their answers.
4. Be Congruent
Congruence + Self-Love = Authenticity.
Don’t be afraid to show others who you are. It’s a strength—not a weakness—to reveal your vulnerabilities. When you try to be someone you’re not, you tell yourself you’re not good enough, and you come across as phony.
As Brené Brown writes: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
The Heart of It
Self-trust is not arrogance. It’s not stubbornness. It’s born of knowing yourself and loving the person you see in the mirror.
If you want to truly trust others, you must begin here: trust yourself first.
✨ Your Self-Trust Challenge:
This week, make one small promise to yourself—and keep it. It could be as simple as going for a walk, journaling for ten minutes, or finishing that task you’ve been avoiding. Each kept promise is a brick in the foundation of self-trust.
Lea Brovedani is an author, speaker and workshop facilitator who is one of North America’s leading experts on trust. She has been named Top Thought Leaders on Trust by the organization Trust Across America. Her other book is “TRUSTED – Secret Lessons from an Inspired Leader.” Learn more at https://leabrovedani.com/
Lea is also a certified death doula where she helps people prepare for their end-of-life. Learn more: https://souljourneydoula.com/
